Ollie Ollie Oxen Free (or significantly reduced anyway)

Scott hates closeout stores, to begin with. There is no doubt about that. You must remember this or nothing that follows will seem wonderous...

(Photo: Scott toting my treasures to the car. Aww!)

Yes! I finally made it to Ollie's, a Big Lotsyish store filled with near-expireds and overruns. I adore these places, because I love a good treasure hunt, and you have to sort through a lot of horrible crap to find the nearly-free diamonds in the rough.

Scott hates these places because he sees these finds as something akin to blood diamonds--the gems found tempered by the knowledge that someone worked long hours making the useless junk we dug through to find them. I can definitely see his point, but hey, Martha Stewart Stamp Sets $1.49! It's Martha, people!

Purty bird stamps are not to be scoffed at, and as I mentioned on the Fiskateer message board, I'm sharing some of my treasures with my loyal fans. I picked up an extra set of these wee little avians and will be giving them away to someone who takes the time to leave me a comment on this post. Don't worry, I'm not going to force anyone to push my blog all over hillanddale, foisting links on your friends, message boards or blog followers. I just want to know what species of bird is your favorite (I'd love to know why, too, but that's not mandatory). Mine is the cormorant, thanks to a freaking fabulous poem by Richard Brautigan:

The Castle of the Cormorants

Hamlet with

a cormorant

under his arm

married Ophelia.

She was still

wet from drowning.

She looked like

a white flower

that had been

left in the

rain too long.

I love you,

said Ophelia,

and I love

that dark

bird you

hold in

your arms.

(Ha ha, I got you to read poetry!)

If you have loved and read Hamlet as many times as I have, and you have seen cormorants with their awkward, teenage bodies and their near suicidal drop into frigid, black waters, you can probably also understand what I love about this poem. Anyway, I was going somewhere with this. Oh yeah, free stuff. Name a bird you like. I will draw a name in a week and one of you with win these stamps* and a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax**.

There is one thing Scott does enjoy about these stores and that is playing a game I like to call. "I can see why this was so popular." in which we find the least appealing item in the store. The winner this time?

3-C Cranberry Sauce: The Industrial Strength Cranberry Sauce

I made up the slogan, but not the name. And look at that photo. Food always looks great when you photograph it with an instamatic! Mmm.

So that's it for now. Give me your birds, and if luck is with you when I pick a number next week, I'll let you know.

*Really!

**Not really.